Monday, June 05, 2006

Sweatin' To The Oldies, Platinum Sweat: Sweatin' for Seniors - Sucks/Doesnt Suck

Shimmie Sham bitches!!! So since i'm on vacay i have had lots of time to do the kinds of things i really want to do...things going to class and having to write papers and shit always get in the way of. So when my bff called me up and told me he wanted to sweat to some Dick Simmons i could not resist. After reviewing an old tape he had where his mom had recorded Sweatin to the Oldies off HBO in like 1990, he realized that shit had been taped over and had been replaced by an episode of Murphy Brown. BFF got all resourceful and shit and called about 5 local libraries before tracking down this:


Platinum Sweat: Sweatin' for Seniors. He put that shit on hold and made me go pick it up since it happened to be at the library near my house. he's such a bitch. when i went to pick this shit up, the library dude looked uneasy and probably thought something was wrong with me. i don't blame the slut. anyway, i checked it out and took it to brian's where we got to it.....













The Breakdown:

Ok first, it's Richard Simmons! this bitch is fucking nuts, flamey, and totally knows how to work the camera. He embodies three of my favorite traits! The video is basically 30 minutes of Richard Simmons trying to seduce you while he shimmie shams and stardusts you into fitness.

The outfits are hot. The old people in this video wear the hottest workout shit on old people ever. They mostly wear like everyday clothes but some of them have sweatbands on their heads. Not to be outdone, Richard wears a black tank top with glittery suns. He also wears the tightest pair of short black spandex shorts ever and white socks and hightops adorn the feet.....

Ok so the old people in this video are almost hotter than Richard. They look like they've been kidnapped off the streets and most of them look like they were drugged and have no idea how they got there and what they are doing. Some of them look about 1 minute away from death's door. You almost fear for the old people but then a Frank Sinatra song comes on and Richard makes you do the Charleston and everyone gets excited and you forget all about how the old people might never see day light again.

This video does not make you sweat. it makes you pee, but not sweat.

----------------------The Verdict-----------------

Platinum Sweat: Sweatin for Seniors totally sucked. it was hot to see old people attempt to shimmie sham, stardust, and pass the hot coals, but mostly this video creeped me out because Richard kept looking at me like i was a 5$ tranny hooker on the corner of Santa Monica and Robertson. Other than a few hot inspirational phrases, Richard never gets emotional enough to make this shit hot and/or scary. he takes you to gay fitness limbo and leaves you wanting something better. Perhaps this is due to the fact that most of the people he was working out with were as old as fuck, but i totally expected more. This video might be hot if you're like 150 years old, but if you're not at most it will make you feel 150 when you piss your pants and fall asleep.

7 Comments:

At 7:03 PM, Blogger Joel Delano said...

I read this after you first posted and I didn't leave a comment, because I was rendered speechless by "Mr Simmons and the Retirees" (that's my band name). I was stopping by to see what else in this world sucks or does not suck, but since I have learned nothing new today I have left this instead.

 
At 7:07 PM, Blogger Joel Delano said...

After I posted that comment I noticed the handicapped dude next to the word verification and I was curious, so I pushed it and the dude started talking to me, but he didn't read the letters posted. He just gave me a load of nonsense. I laughed and was pretty sure he sucks at his job, but then he also does not suck because I like things that spout nonsense.

 
At 12:25 AM, Blogger my lollipops are sweeter said...

Mr Delano,

firstly, would your band, "Mr Simmons and the Retirees", ever consider opening for my band, "Tainted Muffins"? I believe the bringing together of anything assoicated with Mr. Simmons, Retirees, the word Tainted, and Muffins is irresistable and could turn out to be quite lucrative....
think about it.

secondly, i am totally stoked that you pushed the handicap! you have no idea! i had never thought twice about that icon even though i see it everytime i post a comment and you have inspired me to push things i see on a daily basis but never think to push. after pushing the handicap i have realized the great pay-off their is in pushing that which has not been pushed and i thank you for being an inspiration. and you are right, bitch sucks, but doesn't suck.

 
At 12:29 AM, Blogger my lollipops are sweeter said...

ok, ps - i am now obsessively pushing the handicap. it's totally the hottest thing on the internet.

ding ding ding!

oh and what is up with all the chatter and noise in the background???? dude, i think there is a possible investigation in the works here. there is totally something shady happening in handicap icon land.

 
At 4:29 PM, Blogger Joel Delano said...

Sublimintal Messaging to the handicapped. They are going to Rise UP!!! ...and I don't know, probably do something or maybe not. You never know with those shady disableds.

 
At 4:37 PM, Blogger my lollipops are sweeter said...

man, true that.

 
At 9:18 PM, Blogger DNC said...

I wrote something about armpit sweat. lol

 

Post a Comment

<< Home