Monday, July 31, 2006

July sucks and doesn't suck

hi peeps. sorry it's ages between posts on this site but singling things out that suck and don't suck is alot harder than i thought it would be. or maybe maintaining two blogs is more than my lazy ass can handle. either way, i apologize for the lack of sucking and not sucking. i will try my best to get more consistent. to make up for July going without a single post, today i will compile a list of things that sucked and didn't suck in July.....god, i'm so lazy.

the lists:

Things that did not suck in July:


Come Backs. july was hardcore about musical comebacks. Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake, Too $hort, Nelly Furtado, Kelis, Beyonce, The Game, those bitches on Making the Band 3 (hahahahaha i had to mention those sluts cos they are sad and pathetic and i love them).....all these bitches came back in July, some better than others....but for the most part, their comebacks were hot and so coming back did not suck.


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Hot Dogs. July is the month when the hot dog reigns supreme so eating a hot dog didn't seem so bad in July. Though i never ever need an excuse to put one in my mouth, most people seem to have a hard time eating one. those types of people are lame. but whatever, at least in July they can stuff their faces with tube steaks and feel no shame so therefore hot dogs did not suck in July. (ps- that is indeed me enjoying an awesome 4$ soggy poppyseed bunned comic con hotdog sold to me out of some guys cooler. he was an official vendor though...i think).

The Blood Brothers. ok so i know the blood brothers have been around for a long time. and they really have nothing to do with July. But my own love for the Blood Brothers peaked in July so i have to put those sluts on the list. i really think they are seriously like one of the sexiest live bands out there. you might think they are sexy too if you're into dudes that scream the hotness at you. mmm...they are so hot and intense...i love them, but most of you will probably think they are annoying.

here's their Jimmy Kimmel performance...
The Blood Brothers - Trash Flavored Trash

i love that dudes whiney voice!!!


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Comic Con. Comic con was so much hotter than i could have ever imagined. seriously, what is there not to love about people dressing and acting retarded over gay crap. it's like a dream come true for a shit talking slut like me. plus as my brother pointed out, it's the only time that nerd bitches get to bring out the sexy by dressing like nerd tramps. and that's hot. Comic Con does not suck.


Deadwood. this show is hot shit. i know it's 3 seasons in, and that this is probably the last season, but thanks to schips' co-worker's season 1 and 2 dvd sets, and thanks to schips's art show for killing our weekends, we were both able to get gay over this shit. deadwood is serioulsy awesome and i have a huge crush on the swearengine bitch. or whatever his name is. i like this show because everyone is a ruthless cocksucker. and because they say the word cocksucker as often as i say slut. and because all the bitches are whores. and because all the whores use the word cunt. hearts it. it's totally hot. so Deadwood is hot in july because that's when i found out about how hot it is which means that Deadwood does not suck.


getting drunk. July is a hot month to get drunk. i'm not sure why, but it is. i think it's a good month cos it's in the middle of summer. ew, actually that reason is lame. you should never have to have a reaoson to get drunk!! but july is as good a time as any to do it so getting drunk in july does not suck.

now onto things that sucked in july:

#1) not being drunk when surrounded by a giant group of drunk, obnoxious, racetrack trash....AND #2) amtrak both suck. #1 and #2 must be explained together because Chips and i realized how much both those things suck at the same time. basically amtrak is crap. it was 2 hours delayed going into San Diego for Comic Con and about 3 hours delayed coming back. i basically wasted 5 perfectly hot hours for no good reason. all i did was eat sunchips that whole time. everyone told our asses to take amtrak but that shit was so lame. it seriously took my brother 1 hour and 20 minutes to get to SD and less time than that to get back. it took us at least 3 on amtrak! thanks for nothing bitches.

what links #1 and #2 is that because the train from SD to Fullerton was so late it meant that hundreds of people were trying to ride one train...because that 3 hour delay backed the line up 3 trains. SO, what ended up happening was that at each stop after the initial SD pickup a million people were trying to get on a totally full train. THAT MEANT, all these drunk ass racetrack trashy people got on the train and a group of 30 decided to stand in the aisle of our car. i have nothing against the racetrack nor do i against trash, but these people were seriously the most annoying drunk people standing in the aisle of a already full train car ever. they were basically oozing their sweat and cans of miller lite all over us. (they brought their own 24 pack to enjoy on the train). AMTRAK AND DRUNK TRASH STANDING IN THE AISLE OF THE TRAIN WHILE BEING DRUNK AND GROSS ON OUR LAPS SUCKED. Amtrak sucks alot though.


the sun/hot weather (and i mean that in terms of degrees and shit). July was no good for hot weather because that shit was insane. The sun totally sucked in July because instead of giving people tans and making it awesome for hanging out at the beach or by the pool it totally made people die. that's a total bummer for sure. totally lame, sun. also, the heat made it all shitty for staying indoors because people would have to keep their AC on for days at like freezing temperatures just to not die and that made some people lose power for days. ew. that meant all their perishable food items went to waste. dang. many hot dogs and hamburgers probably had to be thrown out. that makes me so sad. i was totally thinking about this while i was kicking it at home with a sweater cos our shit was seriously set to like below 0. it was chilly up in my crib. so the sun/the heat sucked because it was too hot to lay out and it was so cold inside my house. lame. (ps that is a pic of what to do in case of heat stroke. do you think by drink fluids they mean vodka tonics? i hope so)


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Project Runway. that shit is still boring. non of these bitches bring enough of the sass to make me excited about future episodes. the only bitch i liked was the stuffy queer from Taiwan with a hot british accent. he was so tragic and divine. everyone else is so lame and boring and predictable. totally not feeling it. i mean half the bitches on this show seem kind of 'nice'. EW. Project Runway pretty much sucks so far.


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Babies. every bitch i know who is preggers (and i know a bunch of sluts that are all fat with human. i know that's gross.) is having a really bad pregnancy! plus, the babies that have already been born that were supposed to fight over my soul so they could take me to salvation aren't doing shit. what the hell was all that waiting for? britney's baby better bring it or i will be seriously disappointed in this whole procreation business. babies seem totally lame. they don't even do shit. if i had a baby i would want it to be able to make me breakfast in bed, tell me jokes, and answer my cell phone. (the only baby that is hot is Kimya Dawson's of the Moldy Peaches. Bitch just popped one out on Saturday and named her little slut Panda Delilah. that is definitely hot!) yeah, babies totally suck.

and finally

#6) lance bass coming out. his coming out was way lame. who seriously cares. like we all didn't already know that bitch liked the sausage. boring. lance bass' coming out totally sucked. he should have thrown a party with feathers and pink confetti and a cake in the shape of a giant penis and a bar serving an array of flavored martinis and some oily man servants in leather and lisps. that would have been a proper coming out. omg, there should totally be debutante balls for gay men who come out. ok anyway he should have done it like that. he sucks.


i hope you all enjoyed this list. now i'm going to go sit on the couch with a vodka tonic and mini oatmeal cookies and get back to my lazy.