Wednesday, March 28, 2007

100 calorie hostess mini cakes suck/don't suck

so i guess in an effort to make people less fat, Hostess put out these 100 calorie mini cake things that are supposed to not make you feel like such a fatass when you reach for them.
delicious looking, aren't they? when i first put one in my mouf i seriously felt like i was chewing on rubber. chocolate covered rubber. i wasn't sure if that was hot or not, so i put a second one in my mouf. the second time i also dunked it in coffee before i ate it and it was much better. i don't think i put a third one in my mouf.

immediately i had decided that these 100 calorie cake turds sucked. besides being mini (which i totally totally love...i will basically buy any food item if it comes in mini because it's cute), they did not look or taste hot so i didn't think i was into them. however, one week later i was reaching for a little package of them and there weren't any left!! i don't know why i keep eating this crap! they still totally suck but they're really cute and they do make you feel less guilty about eating them than like a real hostess cupcake! the thing is, though,....we never have hostess cupcakes at my house so having them around probably made me gain about 5 pounds! bastard mini choclate turd cakes!!! you SUCK!

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Friday, March 16, 2007

drinking holidays suck/don't suck

"happy st. patrick's day, now i will roofie you" - all these dudes

ok...i'm just going to get to the point. drinking holidays totally suck.

bars rape your wallets, people rape your vagina, and the po is totally ready to bust your wasted ass the minute you get into your car!! i totally do not get why people try to go out to bars on drinking holidays!! bars totally take advantage of your dumb ass on drinking holidays. that's kind of hot on the bars' part actually, but i'm for le gente so i can't stand for that!

also, drinking holidays totally bring out the ghetto in everyone and make it totally not fun to be out. every bro, bitch, douchebag, and ho gets intolerably crazy on drinking holidays and there's no reason to get caught up in that mess when you can go to a bar on any other day, wear that green shamrock crap (st patricks day) or all those fug ass show-me-your-titty beads (mardi gras) or be mexican (cinco de mayo), and not be bothered. for real.

i'm not saying that the holiday itself isn't hot. but people should be less about going to a bar or some lame ass club on these days and more about staying at home and being a leprachaun in your own house and shit! i don't want to see your ass in head to toe green. that shit gives me nightmares!! you're totally endangering the lives of other people by being all into it and then getting super way wasted and then being all slutty or crazy while wasted and in that themed attire!! people should totally keep that shit in controlled environments not shared by the general public! like office parties!!! that's hot.

i know im being kind of bitter and shit about this, but when you love the booze as i do....this drinking holiday crap puts a serious dent in your booze schedule!! the ghetto totally hijack all the "hot spots" which means all the less ghetto but no less annoying people end up at your neighborhood dive bar and totally trash it up in a not hot way!!! like i already have to deal with trash when im at a bar, but themed trash is seriously hard to manage. and people think they are funny or witty or entitled when they are wearing themed crap! i totally don't understand that!!

....i totally take advantage of the drinking holiday to do just that...take a holiday from drinking. every drinking holiday i totally kick it at home,catch up on some Gilmore Girls (reruns, ok), sip on some herbal tea, and let my liver and kidneys remember what it's like to not be soaking up the bacardi!! and you should too! in your leprachaun outfit!!!

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Tuesday, March 13, 2007

The Olsen Twins Suck/Don't Suck

um...really? like i have to answer that? they way DO NOT suck! seriously, they are the hottest fucking bitches ever. they are totally the marquis de sade...but of fashion. they way don't give a fuck and that is awesome. FO REAL! i heart you olsens. por vida!!!!

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Sunday, March 04, 2007

beard papa's sucks/doesn't suck

ok so, beard papa's is this hot cream puff (profiterole) shop from Japan that all of a sudden started popping up randomly all over the Los Angeles area.

around december of '05 they opened one in hollywood and then sometime in early '06 one openend up in this really shitty mall by my house which i thought was like way weird. i have been to the one in hollywood, but today i decided to go to the one at the ghetto hills mall (puente hills, actually) because we decided to have a back to the future balentines day since we missed the real balentines day two weeks ago. (you know, cos they filmed part of the movie in the puente hills parking lot....).

-----------pictures removed because photobucket is a douchebag------

anyway, our plan was to get sick off some Johnny Rockets hamburgers and then eat cream puffs, but the ghetto hills malls refused us service at Johnny Rockets (which totally saved our lives, im sure...i have no idea what we were thinking anyway), so we just bought some cream puffs to go and got the hell out of there. we ate our cream puffs on the way to some other hotness instead.

so, it turns out beard papa's cream puffs are seriously bomb and don't suck no matter where you get them. they are really light and tasty and the cream is way smooth and not like thick or too sweet. totally delicious! they come in three flavors: chocolate, original (vanilla), and green tea.

i think the chocolate is the most delicious. they also have eclair ones that are like smothered with chocolate on top and have either a strawberry or vanilla filling. i didn't have one of those because i am on a serious road to heifer town. ok, it's because i had 4 of the non-eclair ones first. heifer town is totally fun.

anyway, they also have these like little chocolate cakes and some cheescake stick thing that sounds kind of scary but still hot (it's not cheescake on a stick, but a cheesecake stick...yeah, i didn't get it), but i couldnt order any of that because we were on our way to In and Out (told you heifer town was awesome) and i wanted to make sure i could handle the goodness that awaited me there.

so yeah, you should totally check out the beard papa's website, especially the beard papa's story because it's a cartoon and it's totally adorable, oh and they are totally opening a bunch of these like everywhere, so you should totally go when they open one in the shittiest mall in your city.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Factory Girl Sucks/Doesn't Suck

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

So the movie Factory Girl is about the hotness that was Edie Sedgwick. I dont really care about the details (like, what kind of research was done, who the director is, or who wrote this shit)....all i know is that whoreskank leather face Sienna Miller played one of my favorite hoes and i was totally expecting this to be a piece of crap.

It was. Sienna seriously looks 157 years old. This was my biggest problem with the film. That bitches face magnified on the big screen was not hot. It was also way distracting. Edie was seriously the hotness and although she did live the kind of life that would make anyone look 157, she didn't. she seriously had the complexion of a baby's ass!

see! bitch looks 12! sienna is seriously a nasty fug faced bitch, and i couldn't get passed that! it was like way hard, for reals. aside from that though, the movie totally portrayed Edie as a victim and Andy as a complete and total asshole. While Andy did totally use people, Edie wasn't exactly as helpless and innocent as this film made her seem. By portraying her so compassionately i think this film took away from Edie's spirit and ultimate hotness.

some of the dialogue was hot and the dude that plays bob dylan (pictured below) is totally the hotness so that was good.....also sienna wore some awesome outfits, as well as some really ugly ones, which of course i loved!

i think sienna did a good job trying to portray edie, but she did not do a good job not being ugly, which i guess is hard for her to do. Edie was like fresh faced and youthful, while sienna looks tired, wrinkly, and all fucked up! sienna totally aged 130 years between this movie and alfie. i can't believe this bitch is younger than me. if she was 45, then i'd say she looks decent for her age. no 65!!! ...well, especially when her face is like 15 feet tall! you can't really tell as much when it's only a few inches long.....but TRUST ME! that bitch is as beat as my favorite pair of chanclas!

so basically, Factory Girl sucked. I would wait until that shit is a VH1 movie that rocks. or on TBS or some shit. this movie would never be on lifetime because it's not hot enough.

(read the book, Edie: An American Biography, it's way hotter than this movie. or get the script and have your grandma play edie and grandpa play andy and it would probably be as good or better than this film)

Friday, March 02, 2007

sucks, doesn't suck sucks/doesn't suck....

or something!

i totally suck you guys!!!! im really sorry about having this really brilliant idea and then totally abandoning it for something less brilliant and less hot, but ultimately easier and not respectable!!! god, i'm so typical.

but i promise promise promise to try to find things that suck or don't suck more often. i totally find things that suck and don't suck daily, but my laziness is totally my driving force, which means um....i have no drive. however, i decided just right now im going to take this sucking and not sucking a lot less seriously which means i won't feel like i have to actually deliver quality...just quanitity. because really, i know you bitches are stimulation sluts and dont really expect much from me. especially if you know me....(if you know me, youve probably experienced first hand my incredible ability to disappoint! im totally a dumb whore!! ha!)....

anyway, from now on i am going to try to run this blog without accordance to standard.....which means more posts of no significance or substance!!! just how you like it! i really tried to be organized and like not useless about this, but um....those things don't exist in my life. what was i thinking???? i thrive off of unorganized, meaningless, insignificant nothing!!! it's like....everything i stand for!

anyway, love you sluts for like totally giving up on me thereby eliminating my having to try! and im totally talking to the 4 people that read this. even pringle didn't read this and he's a contributor. ok bye bitches.

(um, charlie doesn't suck, but i posted his picture to counterbalance my sucking. seriously, charles is hot shit!)